All I Don't Want for Christmas
Monday, December 14, 2009 at 9:52PM Ok, this is what I learned Christmas shopping today. A few things I never want to see under my Christmas tree, stuffed in my stocking or given to me by my secret Santa.
1. First and foremost don't ever give me a piece of clothing that has any sort of Christmas theme illustration, decoration, silk screen or whatever, on it. There are 3 types of people for whom this crap is acceptable 
attire: little kids(last time I checked I'm a grown woman), Billy Cosby(only if its a sweater because that's his Jam) and F@#*%^&* Santa Himself! Same rule applies for Halloween, Easter, Fourth of July (patriotism is fine but don't make it a fashion statement) and whatever other holiday there is.
2. A Snuggie, it's made of cheap fleece and I know everything sticks to it. Does a lint brush come with that thing? Don't give me this crap that you think it's cute, it's NOT you know it and I know it! I'm not even sure if a Snuggie for dogs is an acceptable gift for my canines. All I know is my chilly ass wants a cashmere blanket or goose down comforter. Snug this! (I'm grabbing my crouch Madonna style)
3a&b. Crocs, well this is what set this off in the first place. They are the ugliest pair of shoes ever made. You can argue with me and tell me how comfortable they are, that they will cure my back issues, that Jesus himself wore them and I would slap you in the face, throw them at you and never speak to you again. Same goes for those ugly TOMS shoes. FYI, the guy who came up with this little charitable venture started off as a reality star and allegedly used to have an illegal online poker site, I'm a little suspect of his motives. Bottom line both these shoes are U-G-L-Y, you don't got no alibi, you UGLY, hay, hay, you UGLY!
Oh and one more thing, all of the above are c@$* blockers. So if you ever want to have sex with someone other than yourself, get rid of them, NOW!!!!!
I'm sick about hearing what people want, tell me what you don't want. Please post your comments below.
Bill Cosby, Crocs, Madonna, Snuggie, Toms 
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Reader Comments (14)
Mugs!!!
well... anything which is NOT a gift card. ;) ;) ;)
i'll take anything, but if it's going to be worn, it better not be pink...
I don't want any more coffee table books!!!! Nooooooooooo
I agree on the snuggle! My hubby points it out everytime that he sees it in the store even though I tell him I DON'T WANT ONE! Lol. He keeps saying that I would look cute in one!
Merle,
Of course you would look cute in one, but politely decline his suggestion and point to the cashmere wrap or blankie , although you are in Hawaii so silk may do you just fine! :)
LOL. This blog sure made my day. It's not only the things you don't want, but the way and what you write about them. Thank you very much for a much needed laugh (feel a bit sick today). I hope "someone" took the hint and won't give you any of the above things for X-Mas.
What I don't want for X-Mas (or b-day for that matter) is anything to be used in the household or kitchen. Don't want to be reminded of chores when I unwrap my present. Luckily my hubby knows that by now, so no danger there anymore...I hope...
Well... nice to see you are in the holiday mood Ms Argan ;) Nothing like a lil egg nog fueled rant to set the tone for the season???!! (Think Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation....)
You know what would be an interesting Christmas look? You in a Grinch outfit! Maybe one with a Christmas Penguin on it!!
Ho ho ho....
Wow Johanna don't think I've ever seen you so fiery before! WOW! LOL! Well said & well agreed. Uh well number one I break at least once during the month of December. I do own a very interesting hand painted (not puff paints but fancy paint) long sleeved shirt with a reindeer on it & in his mouth are blue bonnets. I've had the damn thing since 7th or 8th grade. It's a TX thing & that's where I used to live. My mom had it done for me & I was standing there at the lady's house the night she was finishing it. It reminds me of the times with my mom. It's a pain in the arse to have to hand wash it & then it's sopping wet & attempt to hang it up & not make a puddle in the bathroom.
So far all I've gotten myself (under my tree) are two calendars, a shirt a friend designed (she does her own clothing line of art designs on shirts...nothing to be horrified over), a toilet bowl brush & nair as a gag gift for my step brother (hilarious story my sister in law told on him during our outting to Opryland Hotel on Saturday), & in my stocking are two art pieces I picked up from an art gallery show on Friday night.
So far so good, nothing bad under the tree & doubtful when I go to my parents' that morning.
I do hate when family re-gifts & it's a sucky present! Well re-gifting can be pretty tacky anyways.
In the words of Clark Griswold "Merry Christmas, holy s***!"
PS Lemme know if I need to glitter a certain someone to death if he gets the wrong thing.
Spare me the cologne or after shave. Nothing says "I forgot to get you something and had to go to Walgreens at the last minute because they were the only store open and only had the Old Spice gift set left".It was either that or a Fruit Cake. FU!
Love them crocs keeping my feet warm and dry when i go out and get the paper on the driveway...also wear 'em for lifting weights, but would never wear them out in public..only Molto Mario can pull that off!
gag gifts,penis warmers,t shirts with stupid sayings,stuff like that, Christmas is not the time to be tastless
my husband and his effing ShamWows.
What I do NOT want for the holidays in 2010:
1) Do not give me an appliance of any shape, size or form.
2) Do not give me any of the items above Johanna mentioned
3) no gag gifts. Such as, but not limited too: Over the hill pills, etc.
I will accept ugly holiday christmas sweaters, but not for myself, for resale. but be aware that's exactly what i'll do with those. :)
4) do not give me a fruitcake.
Thank you, and happy holidays :)